The Wise Why

Steve Warwick
I don’t feel any better. What you’ve just you’ve. Just come up with it. So yeah, so if I start at at where we’re at now, we’ll we’ll they help you dance sexy. That’s my Instagram page. That’s gonna be born from my recovery from any disorder. And I guess that’s what we had talked about today and the the journey of recovery rather than the the sad stuff at the beginning.

Kirsty van den Bulk
It’s we, we. I’m exhausted, so I have one last night and the pressure performance staying perfectly skinny. I mean, I sleep around about 6 1/2 seven stunning today. I still feel fat and ugly and struggle and we hear an awful lot about. Women struggling with weight. The marketing at us was falling, but not much has ever shared about men who struggle. And firstly, thank you today because I’m really pleased that you can share this issue so. How long you been recovering?

Steve Warwick
Gonna give away my age, don’t I? 30 years from when I when I decided that enough was enough and. I know I woke up one day and I just thought I I I. I need to do more. But more and and that was the start of. My journey, I mean being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was a teen was about 15. One of the key. Characteristics of that is like an all or nothing mentality. And obviously that was that was being that was affecting me negative. But on that day that I woke up and that the light bulb went off, I I think I used all or nothing on the positive. So I kind. Of just was. In to what can I do? How can I make myself better? So yes, and 13 years later.

Kirsty van den Bulk
Yeah, I I’m, I’m sexist. Brexit. I didn’t get my name on the first of seven, but being labelled and you know, we don’t talk very, very often. But suddenly at 15 years old, when he was at 15, yeah. When you get that label, it must have had some. And I remember the. We will do their pride and pride, pride and awful lot because I didn’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know if you want to suffer some.

Steve Warwick
I am. I thought when I was. When I was 15 and gonna, you know, you, your brains rife with emotion and. You’ve got other things going on in your life. You know the GC is coming out. Girls are are are interested in and. I think there was an element of relief. Because I knew that my behaviours and and I knew that money would fall at my feelings when normal. Obviously, teenage boys don’t really talk to each other about their feelings, but they I knew there was something not quite right, self harm and and certain thought I was having one. Not so when when I was told that. You know, yes, there is something wrong with you. That was a relief. Being told that there’s not an awful lot that can be done about with me was difficult.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And and that’s a really important point, isn’t that it? I don’t know. I’m not trying. Even people trying to love it, but there isn’t. It’s not a one stop controlling behaviour.

Steve Warwick
No, I was putting. Me and the younger one. But I didn’t. I didn’t feel any any benefit I was given later on in my teens, maybe my late 20s, always given 6 CBT, but they didn’t. Busy to work with me, I’m not quite sure why I. I was able to talk very openly about my thoughts and feelings and things are done. So I think because I was OK with being really honest with that at that time. It’s kind of like I already kind of come to terms with it. So it wasn’t really. Bringing anything else but it was it was difficult, but it didn’t. Yeah, the way it did. Work for me that time.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And and now you know you. You’re through, you know, through and. But you are. Being recovered with.

Steve Warwick
Again, I I was never labelled. I went. I went to the doctor and and he said, you know, what can I do? Ohh, what’s up? And I said. You know. I believe it. And you know that that took a lot for me to get into that room and say those things. And he said, I don’t know, there’s a knee jerk reaction or or he said. I’m gonna judge of that. Yeah, like, sorry, I I moved back down and I never went to the doctor’s with it ever again, so I’ve never actually been diagnosed, but from my learning on my own observations of my. I was scared of food. I would prefer to avoid food and go happier. I was and then eventually I would kind of cave and have a chicken breast. Some broccoli. But it was whenever I had the feeling of forms that you had slight tweens in your stomach, you’ve you’ve had enough that you would have to come up. Yeah, there there was. You talking to me at that stage. It was you get you’re going to get rid of this.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And I’m here to realise there was very I saw many being told it’s a choice.

Steve Warwick
Yeah, I mean, look, we are. One of one of the things that they kind of preach now, I suppose, is that you know. You are in control of your mind that that is that is the ultimate and that is where I think where we got to. But when it comes to that kind of behaviour and that what? When something’s broken, it’s broken, right. If you break your leg, you’re in control of your leg, but you’re gonna be. A walk on. It it’s it’s the same with the mind. It was broken. So and. In theory I should be able to control it, but the brake was stronger than make my conscious for once.

Kirsty van den Bulk
Thank you I. Think that’s just given feeling to real things like into this, the struggles that you actually had internally with your own self, where you’re rationalising from one thing, but your emotional mind is completely different place.

Steve Warwick
Absolutely, yeah. They’re they’re fighting each other.

Kirsty van den Bulk
So you’ve now gone on. The journey, and I think you said you’re 13. Years in recovery. And you’ve now got Instagram page with healthy done, sexy, which is positive term.

Steve Warwick
Yeah. So when I had the light bulb moment and I started. I started trying to get better, obviously point .1 of me getting better was no more growing up food. I continued to take heavy latitudes for a little time because.

Kirsty van den Bulk
OK.

Steve Warwick
I I know I gave up one thing I needed to carry on with something else in this and and I was also very, very restrictive of my diet. I needed that floor control. And I still do to a certain sense, but for different reasons. We’ll come to that. So yeah, so I I was feeling better and I was cooked nice food and and eaten food.

Kirsty van den Bulk
OK.

Steve Warwick
And Instagram came out and I wanted to jump on with that and and we wanted something about food. Never put my bit about eating just. A bit too early. I was having like a a steamy sausage or something. Vegetables and it was like the first kind of time when you had reduced that sausage and we watched the sausages. And so I was opening Instagram and, you know, and and wanted to do something about help me. But I wanted to show people that it doesn’t be boring. And those words just came out.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And I love it because you’re healthy. Done sex. It’s it’s such a simple way of doing it. Because actually, what we get a lot of. Shame we get. A lot to clean. We’ve got better and also the harmony on the show. It’s got better the world. Has got their living. It’s not that such that shame or you want to hide your body, for actually it’s almost like now embracing our lots of bumps, because that’s who we are. We are, you know, actually embracing that. Who we are. Is sexy and we can still be healthy with you. It’s not about starving yourself. It’s not about. Trying to achieve. The ultimate it’s about your feel healthy, your sex. Anyway, I’ll I’ll. I’ll stick with and say that when I get back to the answers with. Yeah, you poor husband and stop worrying about it. And I still think you’re sexy. So I like how we’ll explain a little bit more about that. More about. Your Instagram page.

Steve Warwick
So my page started off. And I didn’t really take it seriously. It was a long time ago. I don’t. I’ve only really taken my pace seriously for the first couple. For the last couple. Of years and the way it’s evolved, I started just taking quick snaps in my kitchen. Of just massive plates of food, you know, like you can eat these big portions and it tastes lovely and you can still be healthy and. And then I started people on Instagram doing things that kind of big interest they, you know, they were they were fancy a place. They were more detailed. So far and and then it evolves, and now I’ve been. Maybe the beginning of the year, I came across some massive motoro with his lapping sauces all over the place and whatnot, and I and I had to try that, and that’s that’s become my kind of favourite style and and you know, you have a look and see and I start off every every real dirty rat. Don’t wanna play with the so slow? It’s nothing.

Kirsty van den Bulk
Maybe MasterChef. That’s right.

Steve Warwick
Maybe, maybe.

Kirsty van den Bulk
So I’m wondering if you supported you through those dark times.

Steve Warwick
So at the beginning. I didn’t mean to tell people it was not something.

Kirsty van den Bulk
So let’s.

Steve Warwick
That was spoken about. I think. I don’t wanna say the support wasn’t there because I think it could have been. But the the monster in the brain was was a very angry beast. And and also in denial. So if someone tried to reach out, or if they dared question my behaviours, I lash out or or or go into myself. But I think there could have been support. There I think maybe that. That might be easier, but it just it wasn’t the the journey of the path I took.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And another thing that’s also important to share. You know, if if you’re in a really dark place and talk about being there, if you’re in a really dark place, you don’t necessarily see the health and sports and it’s not that you don’t want to. It’s not. You don’t take it how to. We we we don’t know how to reach out and and and actually sometimes when you do ask for. I gave in my own personal I’ve also helped one way, and then that’s also alienated people. What they thought I was needy or I was being dramatic. I was just so dramatic. And actually I was desperately trying to help us forward. So, you know, I just wanted to say that if something. And they are in that position. I’ve always feel the. Position you just tight enough and you. Think you know I’ve? Had enough of being there and I’m not doing anything actually, just instantly for as long as you possibly can. Sometimes you did way actually.

Steve Warwick
I I do. I do. I mean, I can’t. I can’t speak for everyone’s suffering with women illness, but I think I believe you because there’s no anorexia or. Or just you. Know the depends of of meeting or meeting. Because I was so ashamed of it, I would hide it. So if someone. Is someone kind of tweaked or caught on? I feel like I’ve been caught out. Yeah. So it’s like my, my, my dirty secret has just been exposed. So you, you’re just going to, you know, you’re you’re wrong not doing that. I think I you know, I do actually remember someone questioning. The blisters in certain places and with fingers and on my nut. Obviously, if you’re using the same hand and and fingers to make your sick all the time, you’d be great. You know, rubs against your teeth for the back of your throat. So big blisters and and can cut. And that got questioned once and I remember. Just just wanting the the other to open up and swallow me up by it. The the shame and embarrassment in that moment. So yeah. And and that was a general feeling. So but if I think if someone if someone knows that someone else is is suffering. Mental illness is a very selfish thing. And as as hard as it is you’ve, you’ve just got to keep being. Maybe at a distance sometimes, but as long as that person knows that they can come to you when you’re ready, they want you kinda just have to. It’s really it’s difficult. You’re. Struggling and you ever heard? And people love to come help you. You and let them.

Kirsty van den Bulk
For the revenue. Yeah, I I know something to me where I desperately we love something and actually it took a toll on my own mental health and I had to pay and and and and that that would be, you know it was I had to pay for a whole week because I lost friends and friend because my own mental health suffered and I wasn’t functioning. And and so it’s it is a. It’s a very difficult situation for anybody who’s doing the with the mental health issue or supporting somewhere. And that’s where you need your network. You know, your eye, you need to network, you need to find. Thing and I remember when I was looking at the situation and I had to work out there, I had to prioritise. Which sounds really, really selfish. What she said. Mental health is a selfish thing and I had to take my priorities and I needed to put my focus where where I live. Who I was failing. That’s really, really tough. But what I was doing, who was I failing and wasn’t feeling good to myself, and it took me a long time to get that mindset and it doesn’t point to something very similar.

Steve Warwick
Yeah. Yeah. And I understand what you’re saying as well that the. I say now to everyone that the most important person in any in any situation like that is is yourself. The most important person at the scene of an accident is the paramedics, because they’re the ones that are gonna fix things. So you are. You always need to look out for you because if you wanna, you’re no good to anyone else, especially yourself.
Kirsty van den Bulk
I think.

Steve Warwick
Yeah, yeah, that was the. Yeah. So that was. No, no, no, no, it’s fine. It’s. Fine, that’s three days of of observation. And at the time it was. It was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to leave. So you know, you go into this kind of segregated area of the hospital you’re amongst other? Other people that are struggling, some that are, are really struggling. And and some sit down have a good, relatively normal conversation with. You’re sitting a guy from the window and you’re around professionals and you’re secure in your strength. And they they did their jobs, they confirmed. That the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, they said that knee disorder and. And then in in time to leave. And beg them, and I really beg them to, to section me, to keep me, keep me for a. Few months. Because all. Yeah, I’m serious talking to me. What would it be? All the experiences that I had had in the outside world were were negative. I was on my own and I was scared and lonely. All of a sudden I was. Somewhere different where I could. But I think because it was allow it to be a little bit nuts, you know, but yeah, they they don’t have the resources and you know they don’t have the facility.

Kirsty van den Bulk
That’s such a. There’s such a request of stories where it’s like you really need the help. You need the support for the first time in a very long time. You felt safe and secure and. You felt you had fun. And yeah, they don’t have the resources and that’s. Not their fault. I think that’s just not a political rant, but I do think that’s a state that. That’s from the where we are. National Health. To rent.

Steve Warwick
There there, there’s there’s lots of subsidies to that. Isn’t there, like, mental health is is affecting massive? Portion of the population. And so how big would that facility need to be? How strong would that network need to be? It’s.

Kirsty van den Bulk
So I remembered my childhood and this is. It’s not spoken and the lovely Titan I used when I was dancing school and he’s turned the shows around the local. The mental health. Mental that’s what they’re called. It’s not now, but that’s called. And there was a. Yeah, I know. I’m not gonna get so broken, but so. 1970s and 1980s. But when you’re there. It was surprising. It wasn’t just old people in there, they were. It was. It was young, young adults who then too needs to be sharing, and one around the entire area. And put this back on to you so. I love the way patients support them.

Steve Warwick
Alright, anyone now? I mean I’m I’m very, very open about everything now. So if someone wants to listen, I’ll talk. But I’m. I’m really happy in saying that. I mean, I’m in such a strong position now that I I think it’s my time to help other people. It’s a weird thing to say, but I’m very experienced in this, but where I’m at now is I’m I’m now going to the gym and I’m now eating enough to actually deliberately put on weight. I I want to get bigger. That’s that’s taking my mind a a good few months. Get around. But that’s, that’s where I’m at now. I’m not scared. Of food I actually wanna eat. Lots of it to get bigger. And and yes, I I want. I want to do things like this to share my. Story to kind of. I don’t know be someone that that, that people can maybe.

Kirsty van den Bulk
OK.

Steve Warwick
Resonate with or come do it. They want to talk. I want us to help in in the way that perhaps I should let myself get.

Kirsty van den Bulk
That’s what I’m really worried. And you know, that’s why it’s really playing. It’s powerful. But I think it’s important we do talk planning. It’s it’s no longer not longer. Don’t have that support that we had no childhood people. Are you coming forward talking about their struggles and talking about how they have successfully turned your life around? And this is the thing you were there in diagnosing and eating something and now you turned your life around? And we will use food. To empower enable companies and.
Steve Warwick
Yeah, it’s. It’s weird hearing it it, it kind of said like that because for me it’s just. Why did? I haven’t. I’ve never kind of looked back and. And thought of in any kind of way other than I did what I had to do to get better. You know, it was some so hearing someone that you say in that way is is a different perspective in space, yeah.

Kirsty van den Bulk
This is precisely, but it’s it’s kind of a standard interview, but if you could do that and give you advice to yourself. What would it be?

Steve Warwick
Ohh yeah. I don’t know because I know my mind back then, I know that I wouldn’t listen. So for me to think of a single kind of sentence or or a conversation. To have with. That younger me, it would have to be something really impressive that maybe my brain is not good enough to magic up at. The moment I. I was in such denial. When? I was so kind of. Resistant to him, but I don’t know what anyone could have said, even myself.

Kirsty van den Bulk
And I think. That’s really ultimately your body and your friends and and if you’ve got a trauma response, it doesn’t know what you’re going to get through. And I guess that’s myself. 15 having a trauma response and I think that’s what you’re trying to explain about sometimes it’s not. Right. Yeah. And it was perfect actually. So this is the table. And you get to ask. Me a question. Now I’ve got more ideas than me so. Yeah, feel free.

Steve Warwick
Just to answer your question. OK, doing this, doing what you’re doing and where? Where did this? Where did this start? What? What was the inspiration and what we’re doing before that that you start?

Kirsty van den Bulk
So actually it’s really interesting. I didn’t sit with this particular because I want to help people. I’ve had a very wonky and I’ve been. Very weekly group. And I really want my walking may help people. And so I constantly asked when to. And I’m like, well, when the people that are like that because it’s part of what I’ve been share. But ultimately my life experience has been up and down. I have been right. Up to the highs. And I’ve been so far down that. Two extent. So I wanted to share without exposing my life, you know, especially the people. So that is what this stuff is to help and support people. And and where I come from, what would change? Good question. So. As an actor, I love the feeling. Absolutely. If Spielberg or something. Director or casting? Agent was to read that. What’s this? And they actually should be great to have them. I would. Great, great. Great to have on the TV show. I would go tomorrow and long. Is. I’ve been acting since I was 8 years old and. It is my true. At the same time, I love marketing and the proper people, so I feel a company that really works for me means all my strength in this communication and of course inform you that one and speak to them so I do not think that you are, but what they’re not. Is actually going to say, and that’s because I’m not in the industry and don’t have an agent and I’m earning enough money to. It’s the simplest in my head, so working a lot is been a lot. I’ve chosen to move away, don’t think enough anything is. And it’s got open videos on it and I’ve got the podcast for six to six episodes. So I don’t think anything can still perform it.

Steve Warwick
OK, OK. So there’s there’s no regrets there.

Kirsty van den Bulk
Absolutely. You know absolutely no, I am the. Luckiest woman in the entire. And I’m so lucky there. We’ve had some comments, so I’m just going to come clean and absolute door. And I did what I had to do to get better. That’s the foundation of resilience and helping people understand how that attitude concerning their shipping. Absolutely wonderful. Thank you. See. Thank you. Seriously. OK. That’s just actually gonna need these ones, please. Thank you so much for your time this morning. I really the honesty, the bravery and your brightness, and I hold everything that you have for.

Steve Warwick
And thank you for having me Kirsty. I really appreciate it.