The Wise Why
#46 Stuart Derricott – Dealing with Adversity and Thriving
About This Episode
Stuart Derricotte’s resilience is inspiring, I hear the song ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again,’ whenever I think about Stuart.
Stuart has worked within IT retail and Distribution for various vendors and partners including Sony, LG, and Michelin.
Realizing 10 years ago he had transferable skills Stuart joined the hospitality sector – Originally working in Channel Management solutions that help hotels control their room stock to Online Travel Agents like booking.com or Expedia.
Enjoying the sector and all is offers he moved to his current role 3 years working with Operations Solutions, supporting hotels to automate all their guest requests, hotel maintenance and housekeeping functions to help solve staff shortages and save money.
The hospitality industry has taken some hard knocks over the last few years with the issues around Covid and the huge increases in the costs of energy but there is still a real hunger to adapt to change and look at how they can improve both their internal operational solutions and guest facing applications.
Episode #46 : Full Transcription
During this episode Stuart Derricott and Kirsty van den Bulk talk about life after divorce, new loves, redundancy, paying it forwards and transferable skills.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Hello, and welcome to The Wise Why; We’re slightly late this morning because my mouse wouldn’t work and love technology, and I love the fact that it will let me down. Tick the live. So, this morning, I am joined by an incredible man. I have known him for years. I’m not even going to even hedge or think about having this. What I do know is he inspires me because he is resilient. Stuart Derek is a man who has been knocked down and he’s got up again. And yes, I’m now hearing the song, so I hope if you’re tuned in, so are you. But as usual, this is not about me, this is about my guest is Stuart, the floor is yours.
Stuart Derricott: Well, so, um, yeah, Stuart Derricott I’m still m currently 58, hopefully not looking at. And, um so, uh, I used to work for a company that we do technology for hotels. Uh, um, I sort of realized, working for Sony and people in an earlier life, that I really love hotels. Um, visiting them and seeing how they work and stuff like that. So that’s what my silver company does. We sort of take hotels that if you look at sort of when you go and stay in a hotel and you see somebody coming down the corridor and they’ve got a piece of paper on a clipboard and things, we take them from that to sort of like automating everything and saving time, money and all the rest of it. Being sort of doing business for 40 odd years. Nearly first, uh, ever job was working in a builder’s merchants at a, uh, college. Um, and then threw that into sort of like, management and things as well. So, um, I’m sort of looking forward to retirement, but not looking forward to retirement because I just don’t ever want to switch off. And I always want to have that sort of wow moment every day, or that sort of like, enjoyment every day. And I still get that. So, until I stop getting that, I think you just carry on, keep going, ask whatever you like. Um, I think we know each other well enough to know that I’m a completely open book, uh, and very honest about everything. I think it’s the only way you can be, is sort of honest, uh, and straightforward. And sometimes it’s not sort of what you say, it’s how you say it. So, you must sort of say things in the right way. But I’m here, you ask me whatever you want to ask me, and I’ll sort of tell you whatever I know, if that’s anything.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Well, one of the things that really strikes me as, you know, uh, is your resilience. And we met, I think you were kind of on the up, and I was on the down. I had no confidence. And this is what people don’t realize. They see me doing the wise way, they see me on video. They see me promoting the business and they think that I’m this extrovert but actually you know me as the real introvert. So, you know the real you know the real casting and I’m going to say it, Elkin, because.
Stuart Derricott: Those days I was, yeah, this is pre marriage. Absolutely. Uh, and the weird thing was I was actually sort of like when I was answering your emails and everything, I was like, what was Kirsty’s name before? And I actually had to think for a minute and think actually, yeah, when I met you that was who you were. And you came to me sort of at a time when I was in a reasonably high position in company, uh, and running the UK operation. And this person comes along who is after a job and is clearly very skilled and knows things but had really taken a few knocks and my thought process along that was, okay, well she’s got the skills, she’s got the thing, she just needs the help with the confidence because somebody’s pushed that confidence out of you. And having had people sort of pull me up, uh, through bad times, I just thought at the time, yeah, she’s got everything we need. Why sort of put a doubt in there? Because something’s external is causing you issues and why can’t we be the answer to those issues or the help of those issues and get things back on an even keel for you? Which happened. And um, the job you did was fantastic. So, it was absolutely no issue from it at all.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Thank you. But this is interesting because this is where our friendship developed because obviously, I met you on stand and then the friendship developed and then the friendship and this is what people don’t realize is you can make friends at work. And then as I was getting my confidence and growing and finding my feet and I think in my degree at the time, suddenly your life was blown up, your life went crashing down and I was there to uh, repay and I think that’s really important.
Stuart Derricott: Yeah, absolutely. And that was sort of like I had a series of events and I always say life happens, you can sort of do whatever you want to do to prepare for things but there’s always going to be unexpected, there’s always going to be things that don’t go the way you expect them to go, et cetera. And within a space of a few years, it was like, well, I’m sort of made redundant, um, go through a divorce. Uh, my step ex-wife decided that she didn’t want to bring up our son who was at the time sick. So, he ended up coming to live with me. And I then came to you for work, and you became sort of my manager, and it was a complete role reversal. Um, I was actually doing sort of install work and everything to sort of help support my son and everything. I’d gone from what I thought was sort of like a good marriage situation for whatever reason. And I’m going to mention names or blame anybody for anything because everybody in their own time has their own reasons for things happening and things. So, I’m sort of then struggling. Sort of like in a situation where I’m with a six-year-old child who’s, again, got no confidence, who finds it difficult to sleep at night because he’s got stress to having to do all of the school runs. To sort of like trying to work at the same time all of these things going on, um, which really does open your eyes as well, to sort of how things are. Because when you turn up at the school gate and you’re the only dad, and there’s all of these sort of, like, mums, and then when everyone’s like, oh, let’s go and do this as a group. And it’s like, well, hang on a second, did we invite this guy? Because this is a bit of a weird situation. So, lots of, uh, weird things to negotiate and things and stuff like that. And eventually Sam became 100% with me through the courts, et cetera. And slowly you rebuild. You rebuild. A part of that rebuild was, you know, sort of me sort of doing bits of work where I could with, you know, in store work and you sort of helping with that. And it was, you know, it was always sort of like, yeah, you came back to repayment. I think that’s how people are. If you do good things to people, it will come back at you. Um, and there’s a thing on my wall here that I sort of look at and I sort of try and keep in mind everything it says do things for people not because of who they are or what they can do in return, but because of who you are. And I think that is far more important because it gives you so much more back as a human being to sort of think, okay, I did that, I helped there, I did this, et cetera. But actually, yeah, it may come back and help you, but that’s not the real reason why you do things. Now I’m sort of back in a senior role. Sam’s 18, he’s doing his A levels, just applying for universities. I’ve got the most amazing sciences, probably won’t get emotional. Most amazing woman in my life, um, who has been there and helped me and it’s my support and rock and everything when I need to go places looking after somebody else’s. 18 year old, uh, is grumpy in the mornings. Teenager is difficult, but we sort of all look along and everything. So life’s pull back up, everything’s great, but you never know what’s around the corner. You never know what is around the corner. So you have to sort of build some sort of resilience, not lose emotion, not lose the connection to sort of what it is that’s causing issues and things like that. And I’ve seen people sort of think resilience is a wall. It’s something that’s sort of there to block out the world. It’s not 100% not. It’s just sort of learning to understand that things will get better. And that’s something I do think you do get with age, uh, as perspective and things like that. And I tend to work these days on a sliding scale of one to death, and I just say, okay, well, if one’s over here and death’s over there, really, where is this issue? Where is this thing? And 99% stuff is way down this end. It’s really you look back at it in six months, it’s nothing. It would have affected your life in no great deal. So it is about perspective and it’s all about sort of like knowing that things will get better, tomorrow is going to be a better day, the next day even better. Um, there are days when I literally wake up and look out the window, taking a breath and think, you know what, breathing is enough, actually. It really is having the great view, acid in the garden, the breath, like seeing the people you love sort of get up in the morning and give you a smile. It’s enough. Everything else, it’s a bonus.
Kirsty van den Bulk: So I’m, uh, going to ask a personal question. You can tell me to go, you can tell me no, I don’t want to answer that because I always say to people, if it’s a question you don’t want to answer, please say no. But do you think the trauma that you’ve experienced in when you were younger has taught you about this? Not to death? Yes, absolutely.
Stuart Derricott: Just put in perspective and explain. When I was eleven, my eldest sister died. She, um, was rock claiming climbing in the Lake District. Um, had a fall, uh, mountain rescue, tried to get there in time, but unfortunately these guys do great work. But there is some occasions where time isn’t on the side, et cetera, because of the injuries and things involved. Um, and that sort of if you’re eleven years old and you lose, I’m one of five kids. Um, so when the eldest, the person everybody looks up to, she was in the early 20s, just married, recently gone through university. The sort of person you’re sort of like, wow, this is my big sister. Um, and then about another 1011 years after that, my eldest brother died in a plane crash. So those sorts of things really, yes, they do shape you. Uh, I speak to people sometimes about grief. I did a bit of work after me and my brother died, helping people with through grief and things like that. And I think having that sort of connection and having been through it myself, and I would explain to them what I endured and what had happened to me and things like that. And it means you can connect with them a little bit better. Um, but that sort of thing does really shape you. And that’s what sort of makes me think, um, and just give you a sort of an idea. I sort of like my brother, um, two surviving brothers. Um, and my elder brother sent me a message on my birthday earlier this month. Uh, and he said, yeah, happy birthday. I wrote back to Lag 58, Jesus Christ, all that sort of thing. And he he just wrote back, yeah, but it’s better than the alternative. And it really is better than the alternative, you know? And and also, I think that that thing that happened you know, those those things that happened early on, it’s it’s very much to me sort of you have a duty to do things that they can’t do, to sort of live a little bit of your life for them, in a way, because they’re not here to do it. So, you need to sort of, like, sometimes just go, okay, this may be tough, or this thing may be causing me to feel something, but they aren’t there to feel it. They aren’t there to do that. And there is always and, um, there will always be, with grief, things that get to you, things that sort of just you never know when it’s going to hit you, when it’s going to just get and I don’t think you ever, ever get over grief. You just learn to sort of like it sort of goes over to the side and it’s always there. There’s a song which when it goes, it can be in the car. It could be anywhere. And this Woman’s Work by Kate Bush. And it’s the song that was playing when I heard that my brother had died. And, uh, then we sat, and we played it. We played it, played it all that night because I’ve been out, and I was living up in Yorkshire. I couldn’t get home till I had to sober up because we’ve been out clubbing and stuff. So that song will just trigger me straight away. And there will always be things like that that will trigger you, that will just make you think, uh, but one of the things I sort of learn is that you know what, it’s not a bad thing, because that means you’re still connected to your emotions. You still think about the person, you still care and love for that person. And actually, it also brings back the good memories, the good things, the things that make you think, oh God, yeah. It’s not something that you just think is going to just wrap up and put away and sort of like, okay, I’m great now. Never really happens. It’s something that you carry with you all your life. And you just learn to live and grow and have that sort of shape your opinion a little bit or give you a bit of sort of like a perspective on things, really, that how important is stubbing your toe? How important is your tire blowing out? How important are all of these things, which every day we’re all like, uh, really? Is it that important? Because the alternative really is not that great. So, yeah, that’s where I saw it come from.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Thank you. Because I think I’m don’t talk about it in depth, that there was a trauma that happened in my childhood when I was five, and it wasn’t about me, uh, not being able to speak, although that happened at the same time. And that does and has shaped my life. And I talk a lot, a bit. Which way I asked you the question because I think about boundaries. And this is a nice moment to bring it in of why we should always have boundaries. Because you got emotional about talking about Janet, who is just hopefully I got her name right. Please tell me I got to well.
Stuart Derricott: You got very drunk with her at your wedding, so I am hoping you remember.
Kirsty van den Bulk: What her name is. That, uh, would be awful if I couldn’t, but we don’t necessarily, uh the emotions are important. I got a ticket just before Christmas. Was not expecting it. Um, realized it was bubbling under the surface. Um, I’d done one of these wise wives, and the person in the morning had talked about a car accident, which obviously relates back to my childhood. One which I won’t go into, um, because I want that boundary. And that’s out of respect for my parents. Um, and then later, something else happened in the evening, and two events sent me spiraling. And I’m quite good. I’m in control of my grief. But no, I was lost. And the next day in bed with a massive migraine because we were saying.
Stuart Derricott: I’ve got a bad cold. Not a very good thing to do on camera, but.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Uh, I have my tissues outshot. I think at this time of year, we’ve all got a horrific cold. So, thank you very much for sharing that. And obviously, we’ve talked about your wise, because that’s all been beautifully wrapped up. Then we talked about Janet, but let’s talk a little bit more about Janet, because I know that when she came into your life, and we’re going to talk about how incredible she really is. Please, if you feel that you’re getting emotional, just tell me to stop. But, uh, she has absolutely changed your life. She really has. It’s not like a little bit. I remember you telling me about this person, and you’re very secretive, and you were very careful, and you were nervous. And I think that’s really lovely to share how nervous you are. She just has turned your life around, hasn’t she?
Stuart Derricott: Well, I think it’s a minimum of things. I mean, like, um, you’ve just come out of the back of a divorce, which there’s children involved, and you’re having to do some things which aren’t pleasant, you’re having to go through sort of courts and things like that, because sometimes these things just don’t resolve themselves in the right way. And then you meet this sort of incredible person who sort of Jonathan nurse. She works very long hours. She is in a very giving profession. She is, uh, an excellent nurse. I mean, she’s just incredibly good. Nags me a little bit about my diet too much, but that’s a different thing. But that’s out of care and love because she wants me to sort of be around for as long as possible and not, um, contracting diabetes or anything like that. So, she’s very careful about that sort of thing. But I’m in a place that I’m trying to get myself back established in life, uh, but trying to look after a child and a child who’d gone through trauma and having sort of been through trauma in an early life myself, I could sort of get that. Um, and you’re talking about as a child who would find it difficult to sleep and would literally sort of say to me, sort of like, I’ve got a tummy ache, I want to go to the doctors. And this is like 08:00 at night, and kids will often, with trauma will say, I’ve got tummy aches, and it manifests in different ways. So, I was literally having to put him in the car and driving around till he fell asleep, telling him we were going to the doctors and everything. And yeah, I’m doing that, don’t worry, and stuff. And you’ve got somebody who then will come and sort of like, develop enough of a few that they take on that difficult situation as well. Um, you know, and he’s 18 now and yeah, but he he’s now sort of gone from sort of been a sort of slightly traumatized child to a really sort of like, clever kid. He is lovely. But, you know, an 18-year-old first thing in the morning, sort of like, you know, when they don’t really want to get up for school, you know, it’s so, you know, you’ve got this to look forward to. I know. Um, um, so somebody who’s taking on all of that and all of your history and the issues, you have a lot of respect for them and everything. But also, my biggest part of the respect is that she goes out every day, every single day. I literally say to people, if Janet, um, had her leg sort of like, freakishly locked off first thing in the morning, and I think she would hop to work because she’s that committed to helping people. Um, and, uh, some days I know that she comes in and it’s like, right, okay, don’t speak, not for an hour. Just let her sort of just process all these things she’s had to deal with and not sort of not her own issues, but everybody else’s issues, everybody else’s problems, everybody else’s sort of difficulties. They have come in there. These are really sick people that she’s dealing with. So, to me it’s just sort of, okay, well, just put a bottle, but not a bottle, a glass of red wine on the table. Ah, and I’m mainly the chef in the house. Um, and ah, working from home means that I can be doing sort of cooking while I’ve got headphones in or doing things, preparing stuff and everything like that. Uh, and multitasking strangely. Um, and I like to make sure she’s got food ready that she comes in, she can just relax and then there’ll come a point about an hour later where she will literally just go anyway, how’s your day, m? And she’s sort of back in the room a little bit. So yeah, I mean, somebody who sort of knows me extremely well. Um, we have a sort of moments. We have arguments, we have, like, any sort of couple does. But I think it also gave me a sort of huge sort of thing that you know what? You can go through all of that stuff, and you can go through the divorce, but there’s still things that really great that can happen in your life and that can really sort of make you feel sort of, like, special. Um, and I still sort of now we’ve been together for quite a long time, but I still sort of put little notes in her lunch in the morning or sort of like just things just to sort of like just to make her realize how much I really appreciate that person being there. I’ll just come back from three days in Turkey seeing uh, yourself director over there and I couldn’t do any of these things that I have to do without knowing that she’s there just to sort of make sure that he’s out the door in the morning, that he’s fed in the evening. That sort of like anything happens, there’s somebody there covering things. Um, so I’ve sort of gone from being a single parent to being sort of into a, ah, blended family. Janet has two daughters who I really do treat and respect as my own in a lot of ways. Um, so it can still happen. However old you get, however bad you think life is, you can still have those moments where you’re like, wow, I’ve got this incredible person whose sort of backing me. Uh, I have met Dennis. What a sort of amazing, fabulous bloke he is. Um, if I were gay, I’d probably sort of grab it myself.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I’m just going to put this in here. Dennis never watches The Wise Wife. Um, so one of the things that we’re very separate in what we do, which is great, that’s who we are. But you are right. And I have talked about Dennis before. He is my rock. I couldn’t do any of the stuff that I do without him. And he is very similar. So, when you were talking about zero to death, Dennis’s, um, phases, would do someone die?
Stuart Derricott: Yes.
Kirsty van den Bulk: It’s very bit blunt than that because he is Dutch, so it’s a bit more like that. And you tend to go, oh, that’s a bit okay. But yeah, he is very much like, did someone die? And if they didn’t die, then why are you making the drama out of it? Which concerning how I can be, uh, it’s a very good balance and it actually creates a really lovely, uh, home environment for our daughter because it is very calm, and she needs that. I need that after the stuff that I went through. And it is interesting listening to you because I’ve forgotten about the notes that you do for Jenny, because I do that for my daughter sometimes, not often, because at school she could get the mickey taken out of her. So occasionally I will put a little note in, and she finds that she’s like she’s still struggling to read a little bit, but she never, uh, you know, she is still she’s still a baby. And as she said, listen, my boy.
Stuart Derricott: Is 18 and I still think he’s a baby. My daughter is 25 and I think she’s a baby. So, it’s like you never lose that sort of thing with them. But Sam sort of like 18. He still sorts of, like, says things like that. He’ll be getting out of the car if I drop into the gym and stuff like that. And he’ll be like, See you later. Bye. Thanks, love you. And that’s sort of, like, connection to your emotions is something I’ve always wanted to try and instill in the kids because there’s times when you might not have that ability to say the words and say the things you mean. So, say it while you can and celebrate it while you can because you never know. Tomorrow completely different day. Said different things can happen. And I love the fact he does that. And that’s why I try and do it and send notes and things because people need to feel appreciated, loved and cared for. And I think even when you’re sort of having an argument, we can have arguments because we’re a family. There’s sort of things going on, there’s precious. Everybody is going to have those things. But they are not the important things. Those are temporary. Those are the little things that happen. But I’ll completely try and throw Janet just by saying sort of like in the middle of an argument and she’s trying to make a point, I’ll just look at it, yeah, but I love you. And it just defuses just throws her completely. But it’s sent her a message and she does the same back at me. I mean, she sort of knows when I’m sort of like ratty or I’m sort of like my head is in another place and things, and she’ll sort of just drop little notes and things. And I think that’s just really important. Uh, sometimes somebody said to me recently, do you not wish that you’ve met her sort of 30, 40 years ago? And I was like, no, because I wouldn’t have been the same person, and maybe she wouldn’t have liked me, who I was then. Um, and it’s probably my experience that’s turned me into the person she loves. So now is the right time for us to be what we are. I know that that’s the person I’m with for the rest of my life. That’s the person that I want to be around. Um, and I want to make sort of arrangements. One of my favorite things is Christmas and sorting things out that I know are going to sort of make her feel something or sort of go, wow, accepted. That’s one of my favorite things ever, because it’s about making that person feel appreciated and loved. Silly about Christmas. So, she loves the decorations and all the rest of it.
Kirsty van den Bulk: We put Oz three up before Dennis’s birthday. So, it goes up on the usually the first weekend of December. But then I really funny it has to be done by the 28th December because I want New Year to be fresh and clean.
Stuart Derricott: So, ours is January 1. Literally. It was down and packed away and back in the loft. Uh, and the real tree, but that’s in the garden waiting for me to shred it through the machine and everything and use it for mulch. It almost isn’t. I think Judge is exactly the same as me. Right, okay. So, if we had the fun bit, sort of like we’re in the New Year, let’s sort of start off on the right way. Officially, my birthday is January 5, and officially I think that’s 12th night. So it should be around my birthday that the trees up to do. And I think that’s another thing as well is because our birthdays are very close to each other and happen very early in the year. It’s sort of like, okay, well, let’s push Christmas away. And she knows that. One of my biggest annoyances as a kid was that so many people would be like at Christmas, here’s your present. Oh, by the way, it’s for Christmas and birthday, because they were very close. So, she really does make sure there’s a separation in the two things and that there’s sort of different presents and everything is completely set up. That’s it. That’s Christmas. It’s now your birthday. I love it.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I think you’ve got to do that because Dennis is early December and we definitely have birthday, and then we have Christmas. And even though it’s at like two weeks or something, it is very separate. So just because we’ve been talking for 27 minutes, it’s amazing how the time goes. I just want to touch very lightly on your career path because we can. Talk for hours. Um, uh, old friends. But I’d like to talk about your career path, because when I met you, you were in tech. You’re now in hospitality. And there’ll be lots of people here who feel that they don’t have transferable skills. So, I just want to touch on that a little bit. Because, uh, you met me, and you saw that I had transferable skills.
Stuart Derricott: Yeah.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Explaining how you can use the same skill set and transferable.
Stuart Derricott: What I do now is talk to people. When we met, I was working for In Hardware in sort of like physical items of, um, technology. And now what I do is software, but it’s still sort of in, um, hotels. But it’s those hotels, sort of like taking all of what they do and making it sort of digital, making it sort of connected, taking um away a lot of manual process and things like that. But all of it is from either sort of perspective is about talking to people about sort of like explaining concepts about sort of understanding what it is they need and then sort of taking that and everything. And I think one of my favorite things has always been demonstrating stuff and showing things to people how they work. So, in the sort of hardware arena, it was like pressing buttons and saying, look, this does this. And now it’s sort of like a screen share or I’m on a sort of stage showing sort of how something operates, et cetera, in the software thing. And I, um, really love that sort of moment when somebody gives it that sort of look and goes, oh, wow. When they realize how this can help them. So, I’ve sort of carried all of those sorts of things that I used to do in the hardware arena just over into the software side of things. And, um, I’ve always had a quite a technical brain anyway, so even as a kid, I’d sort of like, take things apart and put them back together and just see how they work and stuff like that. So, my ability to understand and things has always been there. Um, and I just think it’s adaptability. And I think a lot of people don’t realize the skills they have. They sort of do things all day and do things and everything. And I’ve had people come to me who they say things, oh, yeah, but I’ve been out of work for the last five years bringing up XX or I’ve been doing this or whatever, and I’m like, well, no, everything you’re doing is transferable. Everything you do, every bit of information you’re sort of like storing in your head about how to do things is transferable because you’re picking up skills constantly and I think you never stop learning, you never ever stop learning uh, and picking up new skills and sort of developing things. Nobody knows everything. Everybody needs to be open to sort of understanding things I’ve been with this company three years now and I have sort of people say to me, oh, new starters, how do I do that? And I’m like, oh, nobody’s asked that. Uh, hang on. So, I have to find somebody to ask and stuff. So be open minded. Always be sort of, uh, uh, open to sort of like new skills. And anything you pick up is transferable. Everything you understand and do is transferable in some way. Don’t think that just because I did X, it doesn’t mean I can do Y. It doesn’t work like that. Honestly, it does not.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Brilliant. We’ve had a lovely comment from Joanna Joanne Baker who said, my birthday is early December, and the combined birthday Christmas present is not cool. I totally agree.
Stuart Derricott: The worst part used to be that my, um, now long deceased auntie and Uncle Bill, bless them, would always buy me the same present every single year, probably until I was about ten, which was, um, brown matching underpants and, uh, vests with white piping every single year. That’s for your Christmas and birthday.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Nice.
Stuart Derricott: Ah.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I really don’t need right now.
Stuart Derricott: But I sort of have this fear of those things now. If I ever saw those, I’d be like, oh, God, no. Because you knew what that package was going to be.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I can always make them. I do have a ton of scene over there. I may just make some, especially if I can get it in that kind of polyester vinyl.
Stuart Derricott: Yeah, that sort of like, probably banned, highly inflammable don’t put your child near any naked flames material. Every year, the same present.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I’ve got an image. Roll on your sixth, which you do not really.
Stuart Derricott: Want to keep me.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I really don’t need that. 10:00 in the morning. So, this is where the tables get turned. And, um, you’ve been speaking for 30 minutes. You’ve been in the hot seat. And this is where you get to turn the tables. We’ve never got Echo, probably because I laugh too much, but, um, you get to turn the tables on me and ask me a question.
Stuart Derricott: And I was thinking about this because you sort of said about potentially looking at sort of asking you some questions. I think in the case of when you know somebody well, um, and we’ve got some of those relationships that I cannot speak to you for six months, but then we speak to each other and it’s like we spoke to each other yesterday. So, the only thing I could really think of is to sort of like, why this that you’re doing now? Because, um, I know you fold, I know the jobs you’ve done, I know your history and stuff like that, and what sort of drove you to start handing over a bit of your knowledge and your inspirations and things that affected you in this way.
Kirsty van den Bulk: So, um, it was an excellent I’ve been really open about this. Uh, somebody I knew you wanted to go live, and I’d built the business. So, um, due to things that had happened in our life, so we were supposed to move to Holland. But anyway, Dennis is a different job, so we didn’t go to Holland. And then I found myself, like many people, I’d resigned from my job, and I hadn’t got a job to go to because I was supposed to be moving country. Then the pandemic hit, and then I looked at my skill set, and I was writing a company, and I thought, well, this is what I’ll do now. What’s interesting about what I do now is it’s my original business plan. But I went on a big journey due to COVID, which took me down a niche route, which was public speaking on camera, and none of the marketing that I used to do, none of the strategy or the structure of the content and the strategy I used to bring in. So, none of that was in what I was doing during COVID And then we’re coming out of code and somebody I knew wanted to go live on LinkedIn, and they couldn’t. And after a second glass of wine, I applied. Then they got it, then had to come up with the concept. Thankfully, with a marketing background and an acting background, the concept was relatively quick for me, the process of tech, because I’d worked in tech and getting the tech again, because I was an actor and I’d worked in tech, was, again, really easy for me to grasp and do.
Stuart Derricott: But huh, interesting, you mentioned transferable skills because this is all exactly what you’re talking about.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Yeah, but what’s interesting was the reason I didn’t do a podcast and the reason I didn’t do a live was because I even though, uh, I’d worked in tech for years, even though I’ve done marketing for years, even though I’ve been a performer for years, the idea of doing a podcast was not for me. And it really did make me want to not do it because it seemed like this big, huge thing that I would never understand. And it’s reasonable. But the overwhelm and the fear was limiting. Anyway, I had applied for it after a second-class wine got it. And then the platform and the show, the wise wine has evolved. Um, the very first one, we have a script. Well, we do not have a script we have to act in. I have not looked at the ones, um, because I didn’t know what happened.
Stuart Derricott: Until this morning, by the way, about five minutes before we went live. Is that what we’re talking about? Okay.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Yeah. I don’t want people to, too, because, the whole thing is it’s a coffee machine. It’s that Friday morning that we’re missing when we’re remote workers, because, uh, I really missed this aspect of working in a team. But what I really did was I wanted to create a platform where when I looked at all these podcasts out there, they were all about the host. They were all polished. They were all perfect. And, life isn’t perfect. Life is imperfect. And nobody’s really talking, everyone’s giving advice, but nobody was talking about what was really going on, the nitty gritty of what it’s really like. And, most of the people on podcasts were known. They were just people that you would know their name. So, let’s tune into this podcast because it’s famous. So, the idea of this was to give a platform for us, just the you and Me’s the everyday person, the everyday Joe, the person who’s doing the grunt work, who is living and existing. And I hope, I don’t hope, I know that a lot of people have taken a lot of power from this. It has helped people move on. It has helped people achieve. It has helped people work. So would I. Stop it. No, um, I don’t intend to stop it, because I’m going to keep celebrating the use of me. Because we’re important.
Stuart Derricott: Yeah, absolutely. But I mean, we were sort of obviously setting up before this and everything, and I said to you, sort of like that, I’m an open book. You asked me if there’s any limits, anything. We didn’t want to talk about everything. I said, no, not. I’m completely open and honest about everything. And, um, I said to you at the time, the key thing is for me is that everybody lives their own experience. Everyone reacts in different ways and things. But if what I talk about and what you talk about helps somebody who’s going through that right now, or who sort of experience that and finds things sort of difficult to focus on, where they need to go and things, 100%, that’s what it’s about. Uh, and things. And it’s interesting because when I saw what you were starting to do and things like that and the work on camera and things like that, I thought, well, that’s exactly the right time to be doing it, because everyone’s there having to work at home and suddenly appear on cameras and suddenly do things which have been out of their comfort. Uh, zone. And everyone’s gone from sort of like a face-to-face meeting where you sort of know what to expect to being in a little box and how do you sort of handle that sort of thing. So I think the reason I ask you a question was to get your sort of feedback on it. But actually, I was pretty sure I knew that already. And, um, your timing, I thought, for it was pretty special anyway, so it’s cool.
Kirsty van den Bulk: I was just very lucky. Um, it was that moment in your life. So, we have up in the village, we have these things called the fairy doors. And I was up there and we’re going to overrun. It’s quite a funny story. So, I was up there and I was explaining because I see, being an actor, I was kind, uh, of explaining the story of the fairy doors, but more importantly, going into calling one of them Titania’s Door and one of them Oberon and talking about how people can be met. So, I was talking about referring me to my dream back to life and talked about Puck. And I did say PU CK their Puck. Um, I was talking about Robin Goodfellow. I have called it robin. Goodfellow. And there’s a reason I’ll come on to that in a minute. But I was talking about Robin Goodfellow. I was talking about, uh, Titania and Oberon and how they were fighting, but they used to be in love, and now they’re divorced and just explaining it a little bit because they were going to school and she was going to go and meet blended families and families that might have two mummies or two daddies. So, I wanted her to be a bit more prepared. But we were walking down from the fairy door. That’s what we learned from the very door. She stopped to tell somebody that I’d been telling, um, teaching her all about. And it was instead of the purr, there was a fur up in the ferry door. So, if you write that one out so instead of a puck, it was a fur, something, something, something. Um, they looked shocked. But it was that realization about, um, communication. And I realized that, I’d always taken Jargon and Tech and turned it into a language that was simplified. And here I was talking to my daughter, and I was just it was that moment of realizing that I can blend my skills. I’ve got transferable skills. Why would I watch this again? Daughter inspiration.
Stuart Derricott: Yeah, absolutely. I get inspired by my kids. I get inspired. My biggest inspiration, the main thing in my entire life is always my mum. So, you get your inspiration from certain people, and I think you always keep those people in your mind when you’re doing things and moving on with things and stuff like that. But don’t get me onto my mum, because that really I will.
Kirsty van den Bulk: We’re going to wrap it up. Thank you so much. Um, it’s been an absolute pleasure. I knew this would be a blast. I knew it was going to be very well, actually, no, not a different wise white, because every wise wife is unique and individual. That’s what I wanted. So thank you very, very much for sharing your story.
Stuart Derricott: Enjoy it. It’s good.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Nobody should try to get my mouse to work, which yeah, this is going to be fun because it really does, um, not want to respond this morning. No, this is good. Right?
Stuart Derricott: I may have I’m going to be live forever.
Kirsty van den Bulk: Well, do you know what? I have no idea. I got a new mouse, and it just does, uh here we go. Right. My mouse is now working. That’s a really lovely tie into the beginning of the show. Thanks for listening.
In this episode:
00:00 Welcome to The Wise Why
00:38 Stuart Says hello
01:51 Honesty is everything
02:29 Supporting you to find your confidence
04:36 Life Happens, your friends get you through
04:58 Divorce and single dad
06:05 Only dad at the school gate
07:10 Paying it forwards
08:01 building resilience
09:29 The trauma of your childhood shapes you
11:04 Life after death of siblings
14:03 Kirsty’s childhood & boundaries
15:44 Janet – The love of Stuart’s life.
17:27 Blended families
21:09 Dennis and second time around
22:39 Love notes and I love you
23:56 Everybody argues
24:40 No regrets at meeting later in life
25:51 Joint presents for Christmas and Birthdays
27:12 Transferable skills
30:36 Audience questions
30:55 Brown matching underpants and uh vests with white piping
32:22 Question to Kirsty
33:13 Finding I had a no job, and we were not moving to Holland.
34:23 Transferable Skills
35:12 Unscripted and unedited
36:03 You, me, everybody
37:36 Everybody must go on camera confidently
38:18 Puck is Robin Goodfellow
39:48 Daughter is my inspiration
40:52 Signing off with the mouse not responding
Connect with Stuart:
Daren Elsley talks with Kirsty van den Bulk about The Unspoken Truth of Male Cancers and how losing his best friend to cancer inspired him to launch MYBOLLOX underwear, a brand with a mission to raise awareness for men’s cancers through unique branding.
Ep 59, Paul Anderson talks about banking, acting via security, and embracing life’s twists on The Wise Why podcast with Kirsty van den Bulk.